Prayers For Melissa

Dear Praying Friends and Family,

As you are aware, we have been much challenged of late. Upon recent reflection, words from the apostle Paul resonate with us here, in hope…

We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we’ve been going through… We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. And God did rescue us from mortal danger, and will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in God, and God will continue to rescue us. And you are helping us by praying for us. Then many people will give thanks because God has graciously answered so many prayers for our safety. (2 Corinthians 1:8-11)

Three months ago this week, as we prayed to know more what we were facing, we were given a more definitive diagnosis of gastric cancer. More than twelve weeks ago this day, I remember… from our conversation with Melissa’s oncologist, upon asking what kind of timeframe we might expect to have left, that if we got to three months, it would be a miracle. Well, now, here we are, continuing on, day by day, witnessing God’s grace abounding[1], and treasuring every shared moment together as God’s perfect gift[2] as we experience love and care, tenderly expressed for one another.

Today along with yesterday and the past weekend has been marked with very low energy for Melissa.  We are praying, hopeful for her to regain strength as we aim to have her receive more frequent, moderately high dosage Vitamin C IV treatments (semi-weekly).

Sensing that her body needs “a break” from some of the harder regimens of meds and supplements she had been taking to date, we have also begun letting her rest more and decreasing much of the amounts of prescribed, naturopathic intake while still maintaining appropriate pain management as necessary.

Now and through the days ahead, please pray for Melissa:

• for the healing, rest, comfort, peace that her body needs;
  
• for her energy and strength to increase;
  
• for her ability to receive increased nutrition, calories needed, and for her to have healthy weight gain;
  
• for our family’s adjustment into this new season of her healing journey.
  

With renewed faith, hope and love for one another in the Lord, we continue

Prayerfully yours, and His,

The Espiritu’s

---

[1] so that, as the Word tells us, in all things, at all times, having all that we need, we would abound in every good work (2 Corinthians 9:8)

[2] every good, perfect gift, coming from above from the Father of the heavenly lights Who does not change like shifting shadows (James 1:17)

Posted in Uncategorized

I have found that as long as I can remain in what I call the “Peace Bubble” — the place where God meets me no matter what circumstances on the outside look like — I can remain at rest knowing that God is in control and God is faithful. The danger I face is when I start looking on the outside circumstances and become overwhelmed with not meeting goals I had planned on and/or feeling weaker on a given day.

I know the best place for me to be is in the peace bubble where I can trust God to take care of me and all my needs. I don’t need to dig my own well.

It seems counter-intuitive. Shouldn’t I work somehow for this healing? What’s my role in this healing?

But then I remember that the stark reality is that The Only One Who has a Hand in this Healing is God. God is the Author of this Healing.

Lord, please help me remember this truth. God, You are the Author, Completer, Finisher, Perfecter of this Healing. I put my faith and trust in You, the Lord my God.

In Your Peace, Lord, I remain

Melissa

(transcribed, posted by prayersForMelissa)

Posted in Uncategorized

[slideguest id=2522015791355890715&w=550&h=425]

Please sign our global Guestbook to let us know of churches, congregations, communities and the multiple locations (e.g. states, nations) in various areas throughout the world where people are praying for Melissa and our family.  We would like to give thankful prayers for our intercessors in specific localities.  Interceding before the throne of grace, together with you, and the Lord, we remain

Prayerfully yours, and His

Posted in Uncategorized

FYI – Encouraging words from one of the nutrition product representatives providing for some consultation in Melissa’s healing journey:

….

I’ve received your messages regarding things being difficult for Melissa the past [few] days. I am so sorry to hear that. [However,] … I feel it is very important and could be encouraging for you to know that this could be a very good sign that her body is doing some significant detox and work at a deeper level.

Detox can be very uncomfortable though productive. What we encourage people to do when detox symptoms become very uncomfortable or debilitating, is to drop back just a little on the amount of product they’re taking in. If that helps, then we hold them there for a bit but soon try to work back up to where they had been. In Melissa’s case, we wouldn’t necessarily drop back on amounts since we’ve got the shakes down to smaller increments already, but instead to just back down to fewer shakes a day and see if that gives her some relief. Then gradually work back up to where she had been and eventually up to the full [number of] shakes [per day] we’re aiming for.

….

In hope,

——————————————————————————————————————————————

This pretty much confirms and resonates with our recent experience(s), sense of shared discernment and leading in prayer together. At our visit with Melissa’s oncologist this morning, her doctor also concurred.

We praise God for the Lord’s wisdom and perfect timing in answer to prayers as we continue learning to listen in body and spirit with the heart and mind of Christ Jesus our Lord. Glory be to the Holy and Anointed One Who heals and leads us!

With thousands of hallelujahs as Melissa receives twenty thousand more (double from last week) units of Vitamin C via IV, we are even more hope-filled and encouraged

In the Spirit of the Lord,

Rex and Melissa

Posted in Uncategorized

Dreams

The worst time to worry

Because in dreams

Fear becomes reality.

Last night.

I dreamed of the Last 3 months that the doctors prescribed

Then she went away…

I wish I couldn’t dream it.

I went through everything.

Every emotion.

The trying to accept it

The grief.

The wailing,

The crying,

The anger

The trying to accept it

Over and over

I went through

The consolations from friends

The memories

The melancholy

It stopped at the viewing.

I walked into the room

But before I could see her

I woke up.

Not crying

Not even wanting to cry.

Just wanting to hug her

Into eternity

Never stopping.

Never crying

Never dying

Warm embrace.

Forever.

———————

About a month ago, my mother was diagnosed with a rare form of stomach cancer in its late stage four. I’m going to share with you an unfinished story…

A Story of waiting

Waiting for an answer to prayer

Praying for healing

Hoping the healing will be on this side of eternity

Faith in the midst of uncertainty

Certain of the dreadful possibility

Knowing He

Has a plan.

Knowing this is for His glory.

But.

Why?

Why me?

Why us?

Why mamma?

Why now?

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you are faced with trials and temptations, for the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”

James 1:2-3

I don’t know how to be or act

I don’t know how I should react

I must look depressed.

I am.

I think I shouldn’t be

I know I shouldn’t be

Should I?

I trust in Him

But His will is His will.

And I don’t know what that is

I don’t know how to be or act

I don’t know how to respond

“I’m okay”

“I’m better”

“she’s okay”

“she’s better than yesterday.”

“please pray”

More people know now.

More prayers now.

More hugs.

More condolences.

More support.

More help.

I don’t know how to respond

I don’t know what to do or say

I can’t figure out a way

To be.

To do.

To love.

To laugh.

To work.

To play.

Without thinking of Her

Without feeling guilty for being momentarily happy.

I can’t ignore it

Am I Pretending to be ok?

Am I ok?

Am I better?

Am I ignoring this vacancy inside?

This looming unknown.

Am I hopeful?

Am I trying to be positive?

Am I attempting to believe and have faith?

I know I trust Him

but

In spite of this

I still doubt.

I know He can do it.

But I don’t know if He will

Am I pretending? To be ok?

My Dear Mother,

At School today

I cried in the bathroom stall.

I was mad.

I was tired

Maybe that’s why

But.

I cried.

For you.

If I may,

May I forget?

May I stop?

May I give up?

But

You’re not giving up.

Daddy’s not giving up.

Put on a bold face.

Put on a bold face.

For my friends.

For my parents

For my sisters

For…

Me?

My Dear Sister,

I feel so selfish.

I am so selfish.

I’ve been so selfish.

I’m sorry.

You’ve done so much.

Stop being a martyr.

You’ve given so much.

I

Haven’t.

Haven’t had the chance to.

Haven’t had the time to.

Haven’t had the will power to…

To be a mom.

please.

Understand.

I can’t stop

I wanted to

but

I have to stay on the team.

It’s for mamma.

It’s conflicting.

But.

She would hate herself if I quit.

Just for her.

I

Cant.

I know.

To you, it seems like I’m gone forever

Returning home exhausted.

No doing anything

While you’ve been slaving and mothering.

I’m so sorry.

My turn to be mom will come.

Then you can relax.

I Just…

I need to finish the season.

Please?

Understand.

I love you.

I’m so very grateful for you.

Hold on.

Hang on.

We’ll make it.

We’ll make it.

A speech written, made by Hannah Espiritu ©2010 Espiritu Productions

Posted in Uncategorized

21 January 2010

News that is pressing… of which we’re pressed to hear… and then,

News that is reforming, restoring, renewing News for the new year

The First Presbyterian

Pastoral Perspectives

Ears to Hear… Words of Encouragement

“New Year, New Body”

“I AM healing Melissa”

“God is able”

“God is faithful”

“God is on the move”

“Peace, I give to you”

“Do not be afraid”

“I AM with you”

“I AM for you”

Pastoral Prospective on prayersForMelissa.com

As I write this, I am realizing that today is my father’s birthday. My Dad would have been 89 years old on this day. A day in which I find myself facing one of, if not the most challenging trials of my life, ever.

Seven weeks ago today, my beloved, sweet Melissa was recovering from acute renal failure and we were being given a preliminary diagnosis of possible ovarian cancer in her abdominal area. Six weeks ago today, her oncologist informed us that this was instead not only stomach cancer, but an unusual, very rare and highly aggressive form already in its late, advanced stage four. As you may imagine, this was devastating news to be delivered, especially for our family with six children, the eldest in college and the youngest age six.

In our prayer life together and individually through the past several weeks, we have been blessed with ears to hear in the spirit some timely words of encouragement listed in the upper left column. You need to know that Melissa and I have gone from praying, asking God to please heal Melissa, to thanking God for the healing we are now already witnessing in Melissa.

At our most recent follow-up visit two weeks ago with her oncologist, we were amazed, realizing how remarkable it is that she is still with us. A week ago, she had energy enough to attend part of our daughter Hannah’s swim meet competition, rooting for the Trojan team to “win one for Momma ‘E'”!!! 🙂

No matter what the outcome, our prayers continue to be that God be glorified and faith be increased among us. I remain steadfast in this new season of faith to minister to my wife and family, first and foremost to the glory of God. My family and I thank God for you, each one and all for the love, care, support and compassion we share and experience together as we forge ahead with the challenges of this new year in the Lord Who heals us of all diseases. To God alone be all the glory. In Christ, Pastor Rex

Posted in Uncategorized

To receive some timely updates via e-mail, you can subscribe online via our CaringBridge site for Melissa Espiritu at www.CaringBridge.org/visit/melissaespiritu

For some more frequent updates, you can also join the Facebook group, “Praying for Melissa Espiritu and the Espiritu Family” online at pray4Melissa.Espiritu.NewCastleFPC.org

Posted in Uncategorized

I guess it’s a little prophetic—that something like that would happen the very last week of high school gym that I will ever have to endure. But that’s what happens when you put your guard down. When you begin to regard another with less fear and more respect—and you assume they’ve changed. Not that it’s their fault. It shouldn’t have been enough to make me cry. But, these days, I smile so easily because I’m desperate not to be depressed, and yet tears come so easily because—well, you know.

I used to get bullied in 8th grade gym. Maybe, over the years, it’s gotten blown out of proportion in my memory. But I doubt it. No one ever stuck up for me when she started her tear down in front of all of them. I was always holding my breath—wishing she might actually physically harm me. Then I’d have proof—some way of knowing that I didn’t have to be afraid of her anymore. But there is no evidence in a damaged self esteem, no defensive value in a few shed tears, no valid reasoning in a number of journal entries. So I was afraid of the bully, her henchmen, and those who didn’t oppose her—therefore, they were against me.

I got away with not being attacked by sharks for almost two years—then it happened again—like bookends. Gym started out as hell, it might as well end that way.

I have bad and good days. Just like my mom. Days when I’m happy, when I feel the support of those around me, when I’m pretty sure that I can get through it without collapsing. Then there are days when I’m tired, when my eyes sting all day, when I think about it too much. When I feel like an iceberg—floating all alone, separated from everyone else… and cold. I’d been thinking about my Momma too much. About my little sisters. My dad. The future. I couldn’t talk to many people. All I could do was pretend to be happy and make it through the period.

Kick ball. I kicked and made it to base. They were waiting for me. He yelled that bunting wasn’t aloud. His girlfriend agreed—gave me a nasty look. It wasn’t a bunt. I kicked with my whole leg. They were being sore losers. Coach, They told me, was being unfair. Strict with their team, lenient with mine. It’s just a game of high school gym kickball, I replied, who cares?

I’ll try not to make this sound like more than it was. They were scornful, hurtful. I should’ve kept my mouth shut. Then He said: “Go write about it in your journal.” It shouldn’t have hurt so much, I tell myself even now. But I felt disarmed, belittled, mocked, labeled. My journal is a form of self therapy, not some burn book. And I felt as though the spotlight had just blinded me on stage and everyone who saw started gossiping about how stuck up I am, how dishonest, mean, conceited—I am. “Go write about it in your journal.” About how cruel you are? How insensitive? How, by saying that, you deprive me of my feeling of freedom to express myself in a few pages.

So, yes, you’re a jerk. Yes, for that reason, I shouldn’t care what you think or say. Yes, I cried, no, sobbed in the dark corners of the girl’s shower room, anyways. And, yes, I did “go write about it” in my journal.

I cried back there because I’m defenseless. Powerless against such petty insults, the comebacks never come to me. And I’m helpless against the disease that’s killing my mom, slowly. And I’m vulnerable to the future and whatever it brings me.

I wasn’t sobbing solely because of the shark attack. I was sitting there, alone, biting my own wrists to stifle the sobs so the indifferent girls outside wouldn’t hear my pitiable snivels, because it was just too much. Everyone had left, I thought. Even the girls who had befriended me all semester were too scared, or didn’t care to come comfort me. In a way, I didn’t want them to. What does this look like to them? An overreaction. A drama queen stunt. A ridiculous display of caged emotion they didn’t want to have to deal with. But how? How could I ever stop the tears or the shaking or the utter feeling of being overwhelmed? I needed help. Because even though I am helpless to the shark attacks, the cancer, and the future…..God isn’t. And he sent me someone.

“Hey. You okay?” a concern-soaked voice, and a familiar face kneeling down by me in the dark. We weren’t close friends. But we knew each other on friendly terms. She knew about my mom. One of the only ones in there who did. She didn’t know about Them. She knows how I feel. She knew I needed help to get off that floor. She told me she was praying for me. Lots of people have said those words, but hers meant more. Right then, she felt like an angel.

My makeup was smeared. And I was still afraid. But I wasn’t alone. And I got up off the cold pavement, I walked out the door. It felt like a rerun of an earlier episode. It was worse this time. But I still had the strength to succeed. Well, not exactly. God helped me.

So there’s my bookend. Three days before gym was over forever. I hate that class. Maybe I even hate Them. But, the important thing is, after 7th hour, December 18th 2009, 3:00 PM, I’ll never have to deal with kick ball games, high school locker rooms, or Them…Again.

Praise God.

Posted in Uncategorized

prayersForMelissa.com

Thursday, December 24, 2009

3:30 AM

Pastoral Leadership Fellows and Friends

Dear friends and colleagues in ministry,

I’ve been meaning to send you a more direct communication such as this for the past few weeks.  At present, I can think of no better thing on this early birthday morning/eve/overnight of Christmas Eve as I turn 45 than to let you know how much you mean to me and for my beloved wife Melissa, especially at this time.  I am so grateful for us to have had the time to be with and get to know one another this past year, and especially last month as we traveled together in Mexico.

As you most likely know now, Melissa and our family are faced with a daunting challenge of her having been diagnosed with late advanced stage stomach cancer.  We have just this week elected to place her under hospice care at home for at least through the extended holiday season for the next couple of weekends ahead.

Last night, we had a wonderful time of gathering with family and friends in our community of faith, together experiencing soaking prayers for Melissa’s healing with some gifted intercessors and worship leaders in our home.  It was a joyous time of praising the Lord and ascribing glory to God as we acknowledged and proclaimed that nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37).  God is filling us, through fervent prayers and a spirit of zeal and supplication in these days, with such hope in Christ as we place our trust in the Lord with all our heart (Proverbs 3:5-6).  As the outcome of prayers for Melissa’s healing are realized on this and/or the other side of eternity, we will praise God with thanksgiving all the more knowing the Lord is worthy of all glory, blessing, honor, power and might as unto the Lamb.

Thank you for all the kind expressions of love and care we continue receiving through this our beloved fellowship.  We are so encouraged by your faithfulness and generosity, imparting such grace and peace unto us, and giving us such timely words of encouragement.  Please find the attached PDF file containing a personal reflection piece posted two weeks ago on my blog site(s) which can also be found on the web site/page online at prayersForMelissa.com under “Words from Rex”.  To receive updates via e-mail, you can register online via CaringBridge.org for subscription.  You can also join the Facebook group “Praying for Melissa Espiritu and the Espiritu Family” for more frequent updates as well as via Twitter.

We are ever so filled with comfort and gratitude for your continuing prayers and support as we journey forward with the leading and in the power of the Holy Spirit.  May the name of Jesus be magnified all the more in our lives to the glory of God.

And may the Lord’s blessings be upon you and yours in sacred spaces as we celebrate the birth of the Christ Child at Christmas.

Grace and Peace,

Posted in Uncategorized

Recently Melissa Espiritu has found out that she has gastric cancer and obviously this was unforseen and devastating news, however the Espiritu family are strong believers in God and his love and absolute holiness.  So we are joining together to pray and press into the Kingdom and take Melissa before her father and ask for a complete healing! This site has been set up so that the family can keep everyone posted on the situation.  We would also love to hear from you and your words during this time because we are the Body and we have to be complete during these times.  There will also be a page dedicated to the NEEDS of the Espiritu family so please check that page as often as you can.  If you have any questions and want to contact someone other than the family please contact me (Anton Payne) and I can relay anything on to the family, my number is (765) 524-4336 and my email is antonpayne@gmail.com

Posted in Uncategorized